My son didn’t call while I was on the road today so I’ll just be here in my hotel room playing ‘Cat’s in the Cradle’ on repeat.
Women have all the answers to all your questions.nnnAnd you don’t even have to ask.
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How dare you look down on me, judging me with your judgy eyes and your judgy attitude and…
Attorney: my client means, “not guilty”
Customer: the cat you sold me mauled my other cat.
Me: you mean the african large?
Customer: i think it’s a lion.
Me: *points to aquarium* wanna exchange it?
Customer: isn’t that a crocodile?
Me: snapping canoe lizard
Customer: i’ll take it
Let’s give each other some bad writing advice!
Type “You’re not a real writer unless you” then let predictive text do it’s thing.
“You’re not a real writer unless you are an expert in the middle east.”
Five out of six people enjoy Russian Roulette.
The so called genius at the Apple Store mentioned he has a girlfriend; thus, his geek credibility is compromised & I don’t trust his advice.
She was like “wrong hole”, so I said “adventurous on the e-harmony profile isn’t knitting quilts Velma”, long story short I’m still single.
Despite its deceivingly yummy smell, this bar of oatmeal almond soap tastes just like soap.
So won’t Surreal Slim Shady please stand up, please stand dOwN, please RIDE A TRICYCLE THROUGH A DENTISTS WAITING ROOM DRESSED AS A PENGUIN
if the grim reaper is any indication, the afterlife is mostly farming