*I look into abyss*
*Abyss looks at me*
*Abyss blinking message in Morse code*
*I go off to learn Morse*
“Why do we park in a dri
Word of advice.
If you forget to put on deodorant, sneaking into the walk-in freezer at work and holding your shirt up doesn’t solve the problem.
Also that creepy coworker will get even more creepier if you forget to close the door behind you.
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I shaved my legs today and drew the hair back on. I don’t get it, eyebrow ladies, I don’t get it.
Wrong officer, none of these drugs are being carried with the intent to distribute
This girls skirt is so short I can see how many times her dad missed a dance recital from here.
Dang girl are you the American health care system because if I don’t give you all my money you’d have no problem watching me die.
dating again after you break up with a long term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again except with less health
*Time travels to the Garden of Eden*
Serpent: Eat the forbidden fruit
Adam and Eve: *Staring*
Me: You gotta wash it first
Virgo: Expect romance on the horizon. Do not expect it to ever come closer to you than that.
Burger King is preparing to introduce a new turkey burger. Pigeons are beginning to disappear.
[Naming Days Meeting]
Guy 1: We need a name for the last one.
Guy Who Named Wednesday: Sudnaday?
Guy 1: Not one more goddamn word, Barry.