Wordle is trying to tell me something
β¬β¬π©β¬β¬
β¬β¬π©β¬β¬
β¬β¬π©β¬β¬
β¬β¬π©β¬β¬
β¬β¬π©β¬β¬
π©π©π©π©π©
You Might Also Like
If you start your emails with βGreetingsβ let me be the first to welcome you to Earth.
Singinβ in the Rain (1952) but with a Velociraptor
In the past, people had to eat lawn clippings and drink boiling water separately. The invention of tea bags was a big time saver.
Before murdering someone ask yourself: Am I justified? Will I find forgiveness? Did I pay for the shovel in cash?
I respect women so much I donβt even talk to them
My pantry would give that guy from Sleeping with the Enemy a heart attack.
white people love ordering something thatβs meant to be eaten with rice without rice and then waking up the next day not being able to open their eyes because of sodium bloat and being like why is korean food so salty like you ate enough kimchi jjigae for a family of 5 martha
walk through life confidently like a NYer does through a red crosswalk signal
If you steal piles of leaves from someone elseβs yard itβs called grand theft autumn.
So you better just leaf it right there. ππ
MAN!! My boss is always βBlah blah blahβ, βYouβre lateβ, and βGet me more pictures of Spiderman!!β
Had to explain to my hot guy friend that people are nice to him all the time because heβs hot. Dude thought it was because he was a Pisces
I love the smell of cut grass and the sound of unknown footsteps in my attic.
*Dressing up like a School Lice Outbreak Notice for Halloween*
[reading crime and punishment]
me: holy shit, that was a crime, i wonder if thereβll be a punishm-
[ten pages later]
me: youβre not gonna believe this
Who was the first taxidermist? Who was the first person to say βYou know what? Iβm into science AND interior decorating.β
This is my main handbag, and this is the handbag I have to fit everything that doesnβt fit in my main handbag
that colleague who touches your screen
I would never yell at my kids. In public. Without a good reason. More than three times in a row. Per child.
My 8 year old just pointed a lady into the direction of the toy section at this K-Mart and now heβs the assistant manager
I bet characters in science fiction novels get annoyed when they read all the feast scenes in fantasy books. βWhy do they get cakes and mutton and weβre stuck with instant noodles and nutrient paste?β
Iβm now starting to think CNN took the plane.
Gravestone: If youβre reading this I am dead.
barber: your hair is so dry
pavlov: i forgot to condition it
my boyfriend just said βi encourage you to try all thingsβ to our cat who was licking up buffalo sauce
So, when you have a missing sock, how long do you hang onto its partner? 9-10 years?
Someone came up to me today, holding a beer, and claimed to be the best ventriloquist in the world. But I think it was the drink talking.
My husband brought home one happy meal for two kids.
Frankly things would have been less dramatic if heβd brought home a girlfriend.
yesterday at the grocery store i saw 2 celebrities singing the imagine song to a shattered bottle of kombucha that fell on the floor