@stevevsninjas: *Workers at the pinball factory trying to go home, but the automatic swinging doors keep knocking them back inside*
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@KentWGraham: My boss has stopped letting me leave early for my son’s Little League games ever since he learned he’s in his second year of college.
@LadyofCinema: I hate girls who insert the phrase "my boyfriend" into every conversation. So does my boyfriend.
@Storminika: I can't sleep; so I went out & got 2 donuts, glued them to my eyes, climbed up a tree & pretended I'm an owl.
@Browtweaten: Captain: *opens treasure chest* Arrgh! It be just a mirror! First Mate: Look closely, Cap'n Captain: *studies* The treasure... is me? Crew: Happy Birthday, Cap'n! Captain: *sniff* Yarrr