@stevevsninjas: *Workers at the pinball factory trying to go home, but the automatic swinging doors keep knocking them back inside*
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@SentenceReduced: "The name is Bond, Ja-" - "Savings Bond?" "No" - "Chemical Bond?" "NO!" - "Autobahn?" "You know you're totally ruining this for me"
@sixfootcandy: My husband got barbecue sauce on my mom’s favorite white tablecloth. For five whole minutes I wasn’t the biggest disappointment in her life.
@emmatheist: [Google search history] Moles How to kill moles How to make homemade bombs Rescue moles from cave-in Dealing with regret Mole stew