[at the office]
Secretary: There’s a fax here for you.
Me: When did it arrive?
Me: Great. Let me know when the pony express pulls up with the mail from 1861.
*Workers at the pinball factory trying to go home, but the automatic swinging doors keep knocking them back inside*
You Might Also Like
Real should get that sign fixed.
95% of pet ownership is just saying “hello” to them in various tones.
You know how sharks die if they ever stop swimming?
It’s the same with my mother in law and talking.
“In this household, there are parents trying to get their kids out of the house in the morning. These are their stories.”
Law and Order: Missing Shoe
God: welcome to heaven. here’s your wings.
Adam West: [putting on batman cowl] I won’t be needing those.
My mom accidentally killed my boyfriend this weekend. She didn’t recognize him when she was canning pickles.
Laughter is the best medicine……..unless you have Morphine. Then Morphine is the best medicine.
I think everyone would benefit if women had Oxford commas instead of periods.
My boyfriend is tall, strong, protective and flashes me regularly.
Oh no wait. I’m thinking of a lighthouse again.