Good morning to everyone except those who haven’t had coffee yet.
Working from home has been a good way to find out which of my neighbors have loud lawnmowers and barking dogs. All of them. The answer is all of them.
You Might Also Like
*walks into starbucks*
Me: HEY ANY ASPIRING AUTHORS HERE?? SOMEONE FROM PENGUIN PUBLISHING OUTSIDE!!!
*has choice of any table*
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot kill, the courage to blow up the things I can, and the wisdom to not get caught.
If you think a dragon is going to solve all your problems you’re probably right.
First person ever: I HAVE SEVERAL HOLES IN MY FACE WHAT IS HAPPENING
BRAIN: it’s 4am u up?
ME: leave me alone
B: who was our grade 5 teacher?
B: why’s our eye itchy?
M: I’m ignoring u
B: engage bladder
If you read the entire dictionary technically you’ve read every book but out of order.
[Alien family passing Earth]
*door lock noise*
-Describe yourself to me in one word.
Her: I’m really into eating clean.
Me: (trying to impress her) I also use many napkins.