eve: oH IM aDaM aNd I WoNT eAT aN ApPle
eve: lighten up i’m just ribbing you
What started as a simple prostate exam, has blossomed into something special…
You Might Also Like
My favorite part of riding an elevator is staring at my phone while avoiding eye contact with the person I just tried to close the doors on.
Found an m&m on the floor. It’s been there all night, but I figure that’s well past the statute of limitations on the 5 second rule.
Anyway, once I brushed off the cat hair it tasted fine.
white people in horror movies when they find an ancient book with written spells: it’s time to read this out loud. i am not capable of reading this in my head or closing the book. i must shout it from the rooftops with a megaphone
Brain: We’ve got lots to do today.
Body: You’re on your own buddy.
[god making pugs]
What if a football had asthma?
It’s a good thing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wore masks, or people might have recognized the 4 giant turtles at their day jobs.
Yeah I do yoga.
I’m so good at it, you won’t even see me there.
If you get baby fever, do you have to take baby aspirin?
*spills water on pants*
ok don’t let anyone think you peed your pants
“hey what happ–”
MY WATER BROKE, GET ME TO THE HOSPITAL