My experience with organized crime was getting two friends to help me tip a vending machine while I reached up inside for chips.
Wouldst the genuine Slim Shady kindly arise?
You Might Also Like
Football would actually be entertaining of each team was allowed one bear.
If you’re not suppose to eat late at night, then why is there a light in the refrigerator?!
I ate a doughnut today with no sprinkles. Diet goals accomplished
me: help! that guy stole my identity!
also me: no i didn’t
I didn’t realize how many of the songs on my iPod are about sex and drugs until I hit “shuffle” in a car with a 12-year-old in it.
each morning I put one uncooked ravioli in a thermos. i pour hot water over it, steeping it like tea, and then i drink it all day at work (i work at the white house) and at the end of the day, as i take the last sip of the tea, the soft ravioli slides into my mouth, and i eat it
Me: I have a problem.
Her: We’re married. Whatever it is, it’s our problem now.
Me: Ok. We had an affair with the neighbour’s daughter.
I’m now on year 3 of the ‘7 day ab challenge’
Me: I have a question about this time travel machine I bought from you guys
Him: Sir, we don’t sell time travel machines
me: not yet