My kids teeth are harder than my forehead and no I would not like to elaborate.
Wouldst the genuine Slim Shady kindly arise?
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*holds “bunny ears” over someone’s head for five hours as they have their portrait painted*
Joe Biden is such a dad. 😂
ME: I dislike myself
THERAPIST: That’s quite common
THERAPIST: Yes, for example, I don’t like you
KFC hitting the cannibal market
Oh, hey guys how were the bars tonight? That’s cool. In case you were wondering all of the Harry Potter movies are still really good.
The U.S. has more prisons than degree-granting colleges. How absurd. To fix that, we should merge some prisons and split up some colleges.
A triumphant is an especially successful elephant.
Dating a beekeeper would be stressful because if they called you “honey,” you wouldn’t know if they were being romantic or if they were just thinking about work again.
At Walmart checkout other day:
Cashier: “you have a dog?” (Scanning dog food.)
Hubz: no, our kid needs protein