@rad_milk

yall can name 10 kardashians but you can’t name 10 jesuses

yall can name 10 kardashians but you can’t name 10 jesuses

- @rad_milk

You Might Also Like

@flashember

Seize the day! by its legs and lock it in chains. Hold a mock trial, find the day guilty. Behead the day. Bury the day in a nameless grave.

@ElizaBayne

I think my abs look pretty good for a mother of 2 kids.

I don’t have kids.

@SteveSuckington

[blind date]

“I’m like, really good at *looks on hand* making the sex”

-did you just read that off your hand?

“Hey! You’re not blind!”

@turbolazers

All the leaves are brown and the sky is grey

– The Mamas and the Papas

All the leaves are grey, and the sky is grey

– Dogs

@ChickenFrecklez

Crazy sister put: “I had a child very young so I had to mature quickly” on her resume once. Put her email address as MONKEYTUSHIES87 too.

@MsSkarsgaard

I’m sure I don’t need to tell you the first rule of Patronising Club, because you’re so smart, sweetie. *boops your nose

@FknVancouver

If the cure for AIDS could get you high, we’d figure it out in about a week.

@junejuly12

me: *drinks coffee with protein powder, does bicep curls, flexes fingers*

pickle jar: oh oh

@Michael1979

MY TOP 3 PROBLEMS WITH DUCKS

1. Vulnerable to attack by foxes b/c they’re too lazy to learn karate
2. Out of millions of ducks, only one (Scrooge McDuck) has conquered the business world. PATHETIC SUCCESS RATE
3. Too many handouts. GET A JOB AND BUY YOUR OWN BREAD YOU LAZY DUCKS

@bridger_w

If you have to wait a while to get a fast food order, say, “I thought this was FAST food.” The place will never recover from that mega burn