@jctwritesstuff: Y'all say redheads eat souls like it's a bad thing, but I'm telling you, this diet is really going to pay off come swimsuit season.
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@Parentpains: The only standards I have in life are about the quality of alcohol I consume, and even that gets sketchy after about 5 drinks.
@TheTweetOfGod: Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll add to the global overdepletion of the oceans. So just give him the fish.
@PleaseBeGneiss: [showing off scars] ME: *lifting shirt* I’ve had this one for as long as I can remember HER: that’s your bellybutton
@FeverFlave: I once lip locked the soft ice dispenser at Dairy Queen until the manager had to hit me with a mop. So I know a little bit about rejection.