@juneohara65

YES I’M JEALOUS OF YOUR GOLDFISH. MENTAL ILLNESS RUNS IN MY FAMILY.

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@realfunghi

The moon’s water broke. You know what that means?

Baby Moon.

@JeffMyspace

Whose idea was it to call him Michael Phelps and not Swimothy?

@GroovyTasia

Me: Hmm, food is a splurge. Can’t afford it this week.

*sees a talking Batman cup*

Me: I absolutely need this right now or I’ll die

@JediGigi

The sex was going great until he questioned why I was making my storm trooper action figures kiss across his forehead.

@TheTweetOfGod

Every time you sing “What a Friend We Have in Jesus” I’m reminded how much I disapprove of My son’s friends.

@shesananteater

One day my GPS is gonna say, “You should know this one by now” and shut off.

@momsense_ensues

Being a parent will make you pay much closer attention to when songs have dirty lyrics.

In unrelated news, how do you get children to stop singing at the top of their voices in public?

@AndyVale

What do we want? CLICKBAIT

When do we want it? The answer will shock you.

@KyleMcDowell86

He died doing what he loved, trying to use a hammerhead shark for carpentry