“Chest, chest, chest and chest, chest and chest” – T-Rex singing “Head, shoulders, knees and toes”.
Yesterday, Mike heated up his fish in the break room.
Today, Mike is missing.
Don’t be like Mike.
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having an heated argument with my toaster.
Is there an easy way to leave a dance circle or do I have to die here?
Life Coach: Get out there and show the world what you’re made of!
Gingerbread Man: Not sure that’s a good idea.
Developed Theory of Relatively.
Walked on the Moon.
Painted the Mona Lisa.
Baffled by bra hooks.
Me: is everything ok you seem distant
Them: that’s the wrong end of the binoculars
My gynecologist follows me on Instagram, I really do not know what else he wants to see.
You don’t have a Twitter account. Twitter has a You account.
Away on business, sitting at the hotel bar a hot lady walks over and whispers in my ear, it’s 500 for the night.
*Whispering back. How much for the whole chess set?
Dear law students: my opposing counsel just asked her witness how old she was when she turned 18. You’ll be fine.