yet another student using CatGPT to do their schoolwork
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self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings
No coupon is really “expired” if you cry hard enough.
nothing makes me feel appreciated at work more than management sweetly saying “have you been helped?” because they have no idea i work here
My daughter woke up at 5, because of crows outside. She stuck her head outside the window and said ‘Mum, the bird witches are calling me’ and to sum up I have my next book and also I need to call a priest
Why do I “need” an assault rifle? Why did Rosa Parks “need” to sit in the front of the bus? Because Merica, that’s why.
I dont know how to break this to my kids, but I think we should see other families.
I’ve done hundreds of crossword puzzles over the years, but just this morning I noticed they provide clues.
God: U have to build an ark to save the animals from a tsunami
Noah: But you’re god, can’t you just stop the tsunami
God: *loves boats* No
my mom texts me money bag emojis when i forget to pay her just like the mob.
Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I’m not an idiot and I know how time travel works.
🤣😂
My dog gets anxiety and bites her nails and it’s weird because she doesn’t even have bills, chores, social media, or a husband.
The fact that we don’t hear the words “free quote” and burst into laughter always amazes me. You aren’t going to charge me to tell me what you’ll charge me? Calm down, Karl Marx.
When you die, you walk down a tunnel of light and then that sentient paperclip from MS Word pops up and asks you what you want to do next.
I believe the main difference is that one will see you later and the other will see you in awhile. I could be wrong, I’m not a zoologist.
TEACHER: what’s your favorite color?
ME: my favorite color is turkwoyse
TEACHER: spell it
ME: actually my favorite color is red
You’ve said it before and I’ll say it again
-Plagiarists
I have an irrational fear that I’m accidentally making up words. I don’t want to be misunderstandable.
hey boy, are you my period? because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly
Look at you, putting your bag of popcorn into a bowl like the Queen of England.
Look, if I offer you a bite of my calamari, you’re bound to offer me a bite of your food. Legally, it’s known as Squid Pro Quo.
“Are we there yet?”
“ Ha ha! Yes, kids. We’ve been here the whole time! We live in this car now.”
Cop: ma’am i pulled you over because you were tailgating me
Me: okay first of all, if you didn’t want me tailgating you maybe you shouldn’t have a dog in the car
DATE: So it says on your profile that you’re a contractor.
ME: I’m.
HER: Check please!
Youtube is the only place where you’ll find people arguing about religion in the comments of a snowboarding video.
Well, well, well, look who is who he says he is.
~The guy with the blue check by his name.
This video changed my life . I need to know their backstory. I need to know every person in this group.
Very funny, whoever wrote WASH ME in the dust on my box of condoms.
I met a pet turtle at the park and I asked the guy if he brings it there to play on the swings and slides, and he responds: “No ma’am, turtles don’t use swings and slides”, and I can’t believe he called me ma’am
there are few problems in life that can’t be solved by being presented with new and even bigger problems 🎭