I like dating chicks with kids, because snacks
Yoda: Clouded, your future is.
Anakin: Are you smoking pot again?
Yoda: Six cheeseburgers, I want.
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I like arugula because it’s good for me, delicious, and an old fashioned car horn sound.
All toilet seats can be heated toilet seats if you push people off them and sit real fast.
I’m playing chess against my gardener. Your move, Jesus.
I saw a clown doing sit-ups. Funny how things work out.
*turns on broadcast TV*
Wow, I’m actually watching TV as it airs. Who even does that anymore?
*sees Activia ad*
*sees Metamucil ad*
*sees Cialis ad*
I think I have the answer.
Holy crap! This coin looks old as hell!
*checks the date*
It’s 15 years younger than me.
I promise to find a new girlfriend right away when my old girlfriend gets eaten by walkers.
America needs a first lady.
me: are u Scottish
me: then u could say i’m being kilt