@robknepper and on the 8th day, god created a website for u to meet the hot christian singles in ur area
@fro_vo you, a dumb idiot: today is friday the 13th
me, a wise genius: there have been way more than 13 fridays
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@robknepper 
@Reverend_Scott “How can I help u, Bowser?”
I need a loan
“For ANOTHER castle?”
A flying castle
“U have like 24 already”
IDK HOW MARIO KEEPS FINDIN HER
@ericsshadow If you stand next to a fatter person you look better. That’s why I work at Burger King.
@fart Q: Where is the safest place to be during an earthquake?
A: a hot air balloon
#JonsSafetyTips #Safety #safetyTip #EarthquakeSafetyFacts
@buck4itt Thanks for keeping your Instagram account private. I’d hate for those pictures of your lunch to fall into the wrong hands.
@UnFitz It’s called “personal grooming” as though we might get confused and groom a total stranger.
@daisyowl guys i’ve cracked the code
@bazecraze Every news show is like “are you actually seeing what you’re seeing? We’ll ask an expert and a liar!”
@Paxochka My IQ score says I’m intelligent. My dating history disagrees.
@iGreenMonk I failed my driver’s test. The instructor asked me “What do you do at a red light?
I said “I usually see what people are up to on twitter.