@JohnLyonTweets: Me: Sometimes I think I have more imaginary conversations than real ones.
Scarlett Johansson: That's very interesting.
@TheSchnizzy: Wife: you're so damn forgetful!
M: oh nonsense!
W: ok, did you get the cat food?
M: WE HAVE A CAT??
@daddydoubts: The year is 2073. My wife and I rest in side by side burial plots. Waking up in the middle of the night our 57yo son, for reasons beyond his understanding, digs a horizontal hole between us and gets in.
His head near his mother and his feet kicking my corpse, he sleeps.
@Sickayduh: As a gift to my girlfriend, Tola, I tattooed her name on myself in the mirror and I think that says alot
@thegreatnanak: She: why are you dressed up as a duck?
Me: did you know people feed ducks in the park?
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