My signature move is not caring which one yours is.
you are not alone. theres bugs
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I’ll never call a radio station because I’m afraid they’ll give me tickets to go somewhere and do something.
“Smells fresh. Like a tropical island.”
“Ok. Now take off the blindfold! Your family’s been dead in this car for a week! We Febrezed it!”
“Hi yes I’d like to attempt the Cheeseburger challenge”
“Very good sir”
[ripped as hell cheeseburger runs out of the kitchen & bodyslams me]
There is no real comfortable way to explain to your gynecologist that it’s your feet that smell.
elon: say the thing
grimes: *sigh* omg babe your submarine is waaaay too big for this tiny cave
Granny, pay attention and don’t panic. I need you to think hard and tell me how many brownies you ate out of the blue pan.
Titanic (1997): a boat gets murdered by an ice cube.
Technology: the world is at your fingertips, you can accomplish anything!
[walking into Sephora]
me: I love how it smells in here! If I ever find a man who smells like this, I’m going to lock him in the basement forever.
my husband: I’m right here you know