Interviewer: “Why would you make a good customer service representative?”
Me: “I’m good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.”
“You ask.” “No, you ask!” “Will you please ask?” “Why can’t you ask?” “Fine… Hey my FRIEND wants to ask you something!”
You Might Also Like
*doesn’t know what to do for Earth Day
*buys Earth a $10 Amazon gift card
[first day as a sports announcer]
*taps mic twice*
HER: Where have you been?
ME: Watching a WWF fight.
HER: You mean WWE?
*flashback to panda fighting an emu*
ME: Eh, yeah.
When I’m president, we are going to have WAY more velociraptors.
Woo-hoo wife is gone for the evening so you know what that means
*practices repertoire of silly walks all over the house
*adds two new ones
I have a three year old, a one year old, and a dog, and when I discover that someone chewed up my magazine and peed on the rug the dog is never my primary suspect.
If I hadn’t heard these words my entire life, “nooks and crannies” would sound like slurs
ME: These frog testicles are delicious!
GIRLFRIEND: Those are peas.
Next time you let someone here affect your real life, tell a stranger “I’m mad at some online person I’ve never met” then let them punch you