@TheTweetOfGod: You call them natural disasters. I call them destructive criticism.
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@2thestreetz: *lights scented candle* *accidentally burns down house* *everyone agreed that it smelled amazing*
@stanleybehrman: Thank you Twitter for introducing me to brilliant people , but your suggestions of who is similar to me is making me reassess my life.
@squirrel74wkgn: This 3 hour home security video of me coming home drunk & trying to sneak through our motion sensor flood light should be on Netflix.