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@sweetandsimple6: You called me "muffin"....did you mean blueberry or chocolate chip?
@Cheeseboy22: So it turns out that the cookie dough flavored toothpaste I have been using is actually just normal cookie dough.
@ramblinma: My kid at 8am: Mommy!
Me: Yes, my love?
My kid at 8pm: Mommy!
Me: WHAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT NOWWWWW?!
@dave_cactus: *pronounces injury like lingerie*
@Twtercide: Me: I'm gonna shower.
Him: Pics or it didn't happen.
*takes pic of hair in drain
@IamJackBoot: The eighth habit of highly effective people.