@SortaBad: You can confuse and ultimately disappoint a lot of people if your trick or treating costume is “pizza delivery man”
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@IamEnidColeslaw: at my high school reunion everyone kept asking where my date was so I finally told them my dog ate him. no one laughed
@Home_Halfway: Just watched a guy cut up his burrito into dozens of little pieces. I wonder how many people he's murdered.
@thevickster_sa: When your unicorn and dragon start battling each other, it's time to lay off the Ambien
@BuckyIsotope: WISE MAN #1: I brought gold for the babe WISE MAN #2: frankincense WISE MAN #3: myrrh ME: *pulls out Chili’s gift card* I hate you guys