She believed me when i said concentration camps were for people with Attention Deficit Disorder.
You can confuse and ultimately disappoint a lot of people if your trick or treating costume is “pizza delivery man”
You Might Also Like
Marriage after kids is basically two zookeepers arguing about who has to clean up the monkey poop on a daily basis.
At the very highest level of karate, they give you pants that fit so you no longer need a belt.
“What do we want?”
“When do we want them?”
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they’re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
Me: why do bad things happen to good people?
God: *reveals image of me jerking off to April from Ninja Turtles*
God: *nods solemnly*
You never get a second chance to make a first impression…
…and so I bite.
When I was little I wanted to be a writer when I grew up.
*looks around* I guess I should have been more specific.