Have kids so you can regularly test the limits of your sanity by watching someone eat a starburst in 26 bites.
you can tell the new mad max movie takes place in a lawless post apocalyptic hellscape because not one person used their blinker
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My favourite gymnastics move is the double cheeseburger.
Am I the only one who just buys a new printer when the ink is gone? Also, does anyone want to make a sweet printer fort?
Me: your snowman can look however you like sweetheart
2: *sticks arms in snowman’s head*
Me: not like that
I watched DJ Khaled on SNL and I still have absolutely no idea what it is he does exactly.
starting a podcast where i don’t speak. it’s just 48 minutes of complete silence. u put it on whenever u want a break from listening to music or other podcasts
Me: When I was a kid we had to wait a week to watch the next episode of our favorite show.
Kid: Is that because the Internet was too slow?
older woman => young dude: cougarnolder man => young women: manthernolder man => younger men: faguarnolder woman => younger women: sheetah
I say “Hey man, I got your back.” He thanks me until he collapses from being spineless. I give his back to an infant. “Baby got back.” I say
If I am picking up lunch and bringing it back to work for you, please expect at least half of your fries to be gone.