You can’t even be mad at the dog for this. You just have to be impressed.
You Might Also Like
I have to go to a birthday dinner for someone I don’t like much, so I plan on bringing up politics right away so I can go home early.
Girls complain about guys using them for sex, but sex is awesome! Start bitching when he uses you for laundry, or as a human shield.
“Don’t take this the wrong way”
Translation: Prepare for insult.
Hey girl are you a capri sun? Because i want to stab you.
Variety is the spice of life, until it comes to shower controls.
Thanks to daylight saving time, my kids now have an extra hour to fight with each other.
I have a very defined ab.
That’s not a typo, I only have a single ab
Why did Shrek use the song “I’m a Believer” and not “It Must Have Been Love (But It’s Ogre Now).”
I finally understand what the cat wants when he wakes me up at 4 am
This makes total sense…
Why do u wanna work at Burger King?
*imagines killing the Burger King & taking my rightful place as king*
“I haven’t taken my meds in weeks”
[1st date]
HER: My favorite movie is Zoolander, how bout u?
ME: OMG SAME
HER: What part’s ur fave?
ME: Um [sweating] when he lands a zoo
This week, we’re celebrating International No Wi-Fi Day! 📴✨
#WawawiwaComics
Me (texting): Help I’m in the closet hiding from the murderer
Murderer: Probably shouldn’t use voice to text
The bad news is, I accidentally took the wrong medications this morning
The good news: Guess who is now protected from fleas and heartworms for the next 3 months?
VILLAGERS: Stop crying wolf, you stupid idiot!
BOY: Fine
{later}
BOY: Help…Wolf!
WOLF: What’s up?
BOY: I need you to kill the villagers
The running up the steps scene from Rocky, but it’s a penguin, and it takes four and a half hours.
My fridge just screamed “OH JESUS, WHAT NOW?” at me as I opened its door.
Who called them dentures and not substitooths?
The CEO of IKEA has been elected the Prime Minister of Sweden…He’s currently assembling his cabinet.
If your child walks out of the bathroom with a cup of water, always ask where the water came from. I know this now.
Stop telling everyone I’m posting from earth. People don’t need to know where I live.
Remember when the current stupidest thing was the “Gotta Get Down on Friday” song? We didn’t know how good we had it.
I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her! And that’s when my son went back to playing Minecraft 🙁
Being an adult is like watching a foreign movie with no subtitles in a crowded theater, everyone else knows what’s going on and you just nod
Don’t tell me I look good for my age tell me I look good for someone who is incredibly lazy and eats like I’m on death row
Interviewer: says here you have been roofing your entire life
Dog: that is correct
INSTRUCTIONS:
1) Make love not war.
2) Love is a battlefield.
3) You’re screwed.
Let’s join our hands together and pray for my husband who very tragically compared me to my mother.
To tell the difference between an African and an Indian elephant, you look at its ears, then lift one up and shout “WHERE ARE YOU FROM M8?”