[Getting home from fishing trip]
MOM: Catch anything?
ME: No, but a bear did.
MOM: Where’s your father?
You don’t need a therapist.
A five year old will tell you everything that’s wrong with you for free.
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Currently blackmailing the IT guy to extend the wifi coverage for my new hiding place at work.
If your name is David and you have a son, you should definitely name him Harley so he can introduce himself as Harley, David’s son
I accidentally started this account when I was looking for a banana bread recipe and things have gone horribly wrong.
I accidentally touched the underside of a public toilet seat with my finger. Well, you had a good run, finger. *chainsaw sound*
My mother was feeling cold so now I’m wearing a sweater.
1st week of school: sandwich cut in a cute shape, sliced fruit, encouraging note.
Last week of school: handful of croutons wrapped in foil.
Cat stuck in a tree? Have you tried placing a computer keyboard at the bottom?
half – halves
self – selves
wolf – wolves
golf – golves
Oh yeh? Explain this then