@irreligiousorg

You don’t see faith healers in hospitals for the same reason you don’t see psychics winning the lottery.

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@Carbosly

My favourite machine at the gym is the television.

@donni

Being an adult is cool because sometimes your back hurts and other times a different part of your back hurts

@LurkAtHomeMom

Called Comcast to see about dropping my service and long story short, If anyone wants to watch Showtime, call me on one of my 36 landlines.

@Sassafrantz

And then the Lord said unto thee “any social media site besides Facebook asking for prayers shall go unanswered.”
Matthew 4:23

@LostFelicia

I asked the husband to take me shopping and he said “Take yourself.”
I can’t wait for him to ask for sex.

@UnicornSyrup

WARNING: If someone sends a link to download the new Nickelback single, DON’T CLICK ON IT! It’s a link to download the new Nickelback single

@OrignalceQueen

*Pops up from the backseat as you’re driving*

*Duct tapes your neck to the head rest*

Now, why are you telling people I’m crazy?!!