@JeremyKCMO: You drunkenly fall into one bathtub with your pants around your ankles, breaking the curtain rod and all of a sudden, everyone is a critic
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@rowdyforsheriff: [Taps cigarette] Look son, if a girl invites you over for coffee, first make sure she has coffee. You don’t want to get over there and there’s no coffee
@dhumann: Psychiatrist: "Your check bounced and was returned for insufficient funds." Me: "So how does that make you feel?"
@Lowenaffchen: I used to worry about offending people's moms on facebook but now they all post memes like "I chug vodka to keep from drowning my children"
@Smooheed: Me: *leaning into him* I wanna do things to you that are illegal in 50 states Him: yeah? *steals his car*