@Adar79Angie: You girls are so cute, talking about crumbs in your bra. I found a missing hiker in mine.
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@skullmandible: ENGLAND: people are CROSSING OUR BORDERS for ECONOMIC ADVANCEMENT!!! THE ENTIRE GODDAMNED WORLD FROM LIKE 1583 to 1997: u don't say
@CherBear162: I can't believe the pharmacy hasn't called! "Oh they did..3 or 4 days ago..I forgot to tell you. What's it's for anyway?" Anxiety.
@Brampersandon_: WIFE (noticing lipstick on my collar): have you been kissing another woman? ME: uhh MY DOG (with bright pink lips): go on, tell her
@MooseAllain: If you are single, book a table for two this Valentine’s. Keep checking your watch. Order your meal for one, tearfully. Result: Free drinks!