You know who’s really upset about Romney losing? Wire coat hanger manufacturers.
You haven’t built just a wall around you; you’ve constructed a bomb shelter inside a nuclear bunker set into the side of a mountain.
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My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD Bin at Walmart….
Know Your Time-Related Abbreviations
B.C. – before christ
A.D. – after dhrist
A.M. – after midnight
P.M. – pefore midnight
Women dressed head to toe in animal print just bumped into me, thought I was being attacked my an obese leopard.
Your lips say no, but your eyes say- oh shit she’s calling the cops!
Everyone: If you keep listening to your music so loudly you’ll be deaf by the time you’re 20
Me: What are you doing?
H: Fantasy football.
M: Which football players are you fantasizing about?
M: Is that not how it works?
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
I didn’t kill any moths with my mothballs…
My aim is just terrible!
picture a potato but sexy
lol i just tricked u into thinking of me naked