@MilesKlee
don’t ask me explain this but a golden retriever is like the 1990s in dog form
@CVTBaby
You know how you have that ONE hoodie that no matter when or what you’re eating — you ALWAYS spill something on it? It’s cuz you’re a pig.
You Might Also Like
@MilesKlee
@Playing_Dad
People in Detroit call Grand Theft Auto V “Tuesday”
@ArfMeasures
MURDERER *panicking as he’s stabbing an acupuncturist* you’re just getting stronger
@shenanigansen
@dumbbeezie
My doctor told me that despite my efforts, I’ll probably live a long life. I’m taking the news pretty hard
@3sunzzz
M: *sweating*
Some Guy: You look hot.
M: *sweaty blushing* thank you
@UncleDuke1969
Son: Dad, is cousin Billy a mosquito?
Me: In Alabama?
S: Yeah.
M: Of course not. Why do you ask?
S: Mom said he was the product of insects.
@caithuls
The only thing I care about is credits where it says the dog is playing themself
@2questionable
My parenting style is best described as “No” with a side of “Ugh. Fine, but please don’t hurt yourself.”
@ddsmidt
Hubs: Hey, was that tweet about me?
M: No, they’re never about people I know.
*writes another tweet about him*