Loved that one. Great price & the owner seemed trustworthy
HER: It was next to a sewage plant & he had three eyepatches on
You know that episode of Friends where Joey tries to speak French? That’s what I hear when watching the State of the Union Address
You Might Also Like
Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
My favorite deleted scene from Lord of the Rings is when Bilbo & Frodo discover they have a long lost hipster cousin called Douche Baggins.
Oh sure, the continents get to drift forever and it’s “a natural geologic process” but when I do it I’m “wasting my potential.”
It’s nice to know that even people who are running for President are shitty at answering “What is your greatest weakness?”
I can only ruin a handful of men’s lives at one time THERE’S ONLY SO MANY HOURS IN A DAY PEOPLE I AM NOT CONGRESS!!
“You know what pal, lay your own damn eggs” – jerk chicken
Me: “I’m sorry. It’s just that I’ve been burned before.”
*Stuffs handful of fries through visor in hazmat suit
[Trump speaking at rally]
I love this country. I love America. I love singing the *looks at smudged writing on hand* Strawbangled Panther
Two drivers crash into each other. They both finish writing their texts before getting out of their cars to inspect the damage