@mishakey: You know those disgusting people who lick their fingers instead of using a napkin in public? Hi.
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@daemonic3: ME: someone gave me a cigarette at my job today WIFE: that thing will slowly kill you! ME: I know but at least I got a cigarette from it
@Jam453Lane: My FitBit app says I sleep walked 20 steps last night, glad I was asleep during all that damn exercise.
@Darlainky: A guy tried to flirt with me so I gestured to my wedding ring, but I’d forgotten to wear it so he thought I wanted him to propose. It turned out that worked even better at getting rid of him.