You know what Victoria’s Secret is.. Over charging you for a tiny piece of fabric that can be pushed aside by a tongue.
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Dad: ok we need to find the number to that store, get the phone book
Me: Get the what now?
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
“i’m really more of a dog person.” — werewolf
It’s like my teeth got in trouble in school & aren’t allowed to sit together.
lieutenant: we did it, after all these years we caught the floppy disk bandit
officer: lol wtf is a floppy disk
floppy disk bandit: *intense sobbing*
Someone claimed that their dog could retrieve a ball from up to a mile away, sounds a bit far fetched to me.
Losing a loved one during the holidays is tough. My dad died during Toyotathon
Interviewer- Marlene, what inspired you to pursue a life of comedy?
Marlene- Well, I’m glad you asked…
*Mouth directly on mic*
GOOD COP: The sign on your door says NOTARY
NOT A GOOD COP: *menacingly leans onto desk* Sounds like something a RY would say