You can tell a lot about a person just by noticing how they continue to talk after you’ve sighed six or seven times.
You know you’re an adult when you spend $100 at the grocery store and leave without any food.
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Perhaps the most promising opening in a textbook ever.
Doing a low-budget but equally spiritually fulfilling version of Eat, Pray, Love entitled Gas Station, CVS, Return A Dress To Macy’s.
My son approaches even small chores with the enthusiasm of a POW forced to build a railway bridge over the river Kwai.
The best way to get over someone is probably with your car
“Aboot a half kilometer up the road.”
“Just past the Tim’s on your left.”
“My pleasure, eh.”
When I see 18 wheelers carrying something covered with a tarp, I just assume that it’s an injured Transformer.
Can’t, I’m in big trouble with the wife. I invited a couple to a party that she’s planning without telling her.
In HS I was one of two people on the yearbook commitee & the supervising teacher never showed up so we filled it with stupid jokes/criticism of the administration, & when everyone got their yearbook the school recalled every single copy so they could be burned