@MadelnCanada

You know you’re Canadian when you’re excited for 8 degree weather.

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@mamapjs1

She died as she lived. Listening to the story of what her kid watched on YouTube that day.

@jennyjaffe

“Tender and mild” is a great way to describe chicken and a TERRIBLE way to describe a holy infant.

@o__0Dev

Clearly the people that design refrigerators don’t know me if they think 1 tiny cheese drawer & 2 giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.

@mattgallo123

It’s funny, when I walk into a spider web I demolish his home and misplace his dinner yet I still feel like the victim.

@BuckyIsotope

*moon landing*
That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for updog
“What’s updog?”
NOT MUCH JUST WALKING ON THE MOON WHAT’S UP WITH YOU

@DothTheDoth

If you’re walking past an old abandoned house & the front door opens for no reason, go into that house.

@AJslackie2

Her: i’m in the mood

Me: me too

Her: wanna do it

Me: oh yeah baby

[we drive to Home Depot to look at paint]