I like to throw bottles into the ocean with notes that just say, k.
You may have the last laugh now, but we’ll continue this discussion later when Im alone in my car pretending to be a stupider version of you
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Me: I snuck in my own candy and a drink
Her: This is a funeral home
Me: Without a snack bar
me as a kid: that microwave in spy kids where you can make instant mcdonalds is my dream come true
me now as an adult: that microwave in spy kids where you can make instant mcdonalds is my dream come true
I am officially lowering my dating standards to include anyone who may have access to a swimming pool. I will learn to love you. Call me.
Live, Laugh, Love
Leer, Lunge, Lactate
Do things that start with L
spiderman: bitten by spider
green hornet: bitten by green hornet
gambit: bitten by a gam
magneto: bitten by magnetic toe
Me: I can’t live like this anymore, I need to start eating healthier.
Also Me: I couldn’t decide between nuggets or a burger so I got both.
INTERVIEWER: What are your strengths?
APPLICANT: I’m a detail-oriented team player
[nothing wacky happens because this is a job interview]
No strings attached relationships are all fun and games until you fall for a guitar. Or a marionette. Or a yo-yo.
At this point, I’m positive I’ve read the entire Bible via Facebook status updates.
*crosses off bucket list*