“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” – neighborhood drunk

You Might Also Like


me: the heart wants what the heart wants

heart: please stop drin-

me: whiskey it is


winery employee: can u tell what this one has hints of


winery employee:

me: hm [swirls glass, sniffs] grapes


Me: Would you tell a friend or co-worker if they have bad breath?

Wife: Of course

M: Even tho it’ll upset them?

W: Yes, must be cruel to be kind

M: *handing over mouthwash* You’ll be needing this, then

W: I despise you


How much for the giant, walk-in medicine cabinet?

“Sir, this is a liquor store.”


My neighbor called me an old drunk which really offended me. I’m not that old…


Finding Nemo (2003) A father is criticized for being overprotective after his wife & kids are murdered & his only surviving son is kidnapped


ALBUS: Got Dementors to protect Hogwarts this year. They suck souls out! Indiscriminately!
ALBUS: I can’t control them.