You should be able to twist the bottom of the pringles can to bring the chips to the top like a chapstick.
You Might Also Like
You think that a new transit line that would carry over a million people a year would be good? Well these 20 wealthy home owners say otherwise
I asked my niece if she had a newspaper.
She told me newspapers are old school.
She said everyone uses tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad.
That fly never stood a chance.
Shortly before lockdown I sold a cordless vacuum cleaner to someone and didn’t, I repeat didn’t, say to him as I handed it over, well it was just gathering dust.
I now have to live with this missed opportunity.
Useful cooking directions would read: remove package from garbage, read instructions, repeat
The best thing about going to see a film with your child is them insisting on going to the toilet 2 minutes before the end.
George W Bush kept us safe just like how abstinence education kept Bristol Palin unpregnant.
[boarding plane]
ME: Shotgun!
COPILOT: Can he do that?
PILOT: Looks like you’re in economy today, Ted.
COPILOT: *clenching fists* Damnit.
At my age I’m allowed to start my day with Captain Morgan and end my day with Captain Crunch.
I just took out a spider so big that, moments after, the postman rang the doorbell and I thought it was the spider.
Why did Shrek go with Smashmouth’s All-Star and not Roxette’s “It Must’ve Been Love (But It’s Ogre Now)”
it be like that
[suspecting Kyle is a werewolf] ME: Ive laid out all the good silverware for us tonight
K: Its chips & salsa
M: Aaand? *stabs chip w/ fork*
Don’t be shallow and marry someone just for their looks. Make sure they have money.
You’re like a gym membership.
You seem like a good idea but I’ll lose interest in a month.
[FIRST DAY AS A LAWYER]
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Witness: I do.
Me: How do I look in these pants?
Me: Why won’t my friends talk to me anymore
Also me: I’m hummuspilled. I’m going chickpea mode. I’m in my garbanzo era.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don’t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
If you are petting a small dog in your lap, it is important to let everyone else in the zoom meeting know what you are doing with your hand.
Me (answers phone): HELL-o
Mom: Hi, honey. Your Dad is trying to change the time on the VCR you bought us in 83
Me: Please leave a message
breaking into your house and inventorying your pantry so you know what you need the next time you go to costco
Husband: How painful is childbirth?
Me: Imagine going to Hobby Lobby with me.
H: Okay?
Me: Then Home Goods.
H: Alright.
Me: Then Bed, Bath & Beyond, then Kohl’s, then Michaels, then JC Penney’s, then –
H: *in fetal position*
Me: *singing “Don’t stop believing”*
Joe: What are you doing?
Me: Practicing for Journey duty
J: You mean Jury duty?
M: No, it says…shit
Them: Would you slap a coworker for
25 000$?Me: I’d do it for a Costco hot dog
Please don’t ruin Breaking Bad for me… I’m only at the part where A texts Aria, Spencer, Hanna and Emily
Sure visiting family can be hard but it’s also the most efficient way to explain to your partner why you are the way you are
If these seasonal allergies don’t kill me, that person I just sneezed all over probably will.
i actually have so much empathy for pigeons. we’re all just waking around the city together eating garbage and almost getting hit by cars
Text from my mom, after watching my sons all day:
“Did the boys show you the movie they made that’s 17 minutes long and is the most boring thing on earth?”
Saw a video for vegan cauliflower icecream on fb and heard the four horsemen of the apocalypse thunder overhead.
Got banned for life from rap battling for repeated use of the word dingus.