You’re likely of an age where, in previous centuries, you would be the village elder, dispensing advice and wisdom.
*reads your timeline*
Or maybe not
![]()
You Might Also Like
the ‘grandma exploit’ is undoubtedly my favorite chatbot jailbreak to date. source here:
![]()
Facebook is a minefield of mums saying “Can’t believe this handsome boy is starting year 1!” with pictures like this
![]()
Gemini: Invisible hands draw closer to your throat. Also, an Adobe software update is available. It will require a restart.
[teaching son to swim]
Me: get this wrong & you die
I’ve just checked and there’s no mention about sexting in the 10 commandments so we’re good to go.
(filing for divorce)
Judge: Hello there Mike. The usual?
Me: That’s right.
You can’t stop 80s kids. We were able to walk on sunshine, dance on the ceiling, shock the monkey, walk like an Egyptian, cut footloose, live on a prayer, burn down the house, whip it, rock the kasbah and still had time to wang chung tonight.
My mom once asked if Jack Frost was based on a true story. Jack Frost is a movie where a father dies and returns as a snowman.
Hiking is useful if you like the outdoors, fitness, or finding new and interesting places to dispose of bodies
Dating – Every Kiss begins with Kay.
Marriage – Every conversation ends with K.
Coffee in the morning
More coffee at night
Coffee in the afternoon
Unless you wanna fight
How do I tell my doctor I only like him as a friend
![]()
It’s way easier to procure food now than it was for our ancestors. Thousands of years ago, instead of buying it in the store, I would have had to hunt this can of Pringles in the wild.
People say I’m hard to get hold of but my fax machine is always on.
Me: Quick question: Did you ask me to help raise your baby, or help “braise” your baby?
Her: Are you grilling something out back? That smells delicious
Me: Please answer my question first
Them: Can you imagine jogging—
Me: No
Them: —in this heat
Me:
I started out with nothing and still have most of it!
Fact.
TRES leches?! En esta economía?!
Wife: Our dog was put down and then my husband died, it was tough
Medium *nodding* he was the love of your life
Wife: Yes of course!
Medium: He has something to say to you
Wife: omg go on
Medium: woof
If you don’t walk sideways chanting ‘crab people’ when holding tongs, we can’t be friends.
My life coach: So what would you like to see happen this year?
Me: Kangaroos being allowed to fight in the UFC
Life coach: I will literally pay you to not come here anymore.
friend: my dad said he was “going for cigarettes” and never came back
me: oh wow me too
[meanwhile]
Our dads: *raggedy beards* let’s try aisle 7
My boss tasked us with finding new and inventive ways to be productive while we work from home. So I tied a piece of string to my mouse and pull it every few minutes to keep my computer from going idle while I nap on the couch. I’ve never been more “productive” in my life.
Me: we’re so compatible we finish each other’s
Him: SENTENCES
Me: you interrupt me one more time I will end you
At jury duty they said, “You do not have to be fluent in English.” So what you’re supposed to do is just guess if the guy is innocent.
Good thing he found a cart, because that looks really heavy.
![]()
She looks like she does what the voices in her underwear tell her to do.
Used to work in an office where the boss gave a hard brain teaser to the staff in the morning & if anyone could figure it out by the afternoon he’d pay for their lunch. I won most days. Because as the IT guy I had access to his company cloud account where he stored the answers.
I’m curious about the first person who saw an egg drop out of a chicken & said, “I’m going to eat that.”
My 3 year old daughter lost screen time for misbehavior, and now she keeps trying to talk to me.
Well-played, kid. Well-played.