How awkward would it have been for coach if he put in Air Bud and they lost.
youre telling me life is just about moving around during the day and then lying motionless at night? like some kind of backwards night at the museum?
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“My place is a mess” – Every girl, ever…. “Well in that case, I’m not coming in” – No guy, ever
I have a video appointment with my doctor.
I’m going to hang a photo of an empty examination room in front of the webcam and show up fifteen minutes late so he can experience what I normally go through.
i’m unmarried and childless but sometimes i make up a fictional family for my twitter jokes. my wife hates it but my kids think it’s hilarious
Scientists have spliced the DNA of a human with a sea cow. Oh, the humanatee.
i went to my first post-vaccinated family party yesterday and instantly i was nostalgic for 2020
An eight year old offered to sell me drugs. Isn’t that disgusting? Why would I pay when I can just beat him up and take them? He’s EIGHT.
I haven’t had a good nights sleep since I started wondering what holds up those blocks in Mario.
I imagine some people are like…: ‘should I take the shower?…no…I’m taking the train today…’
If I don’t come when you call my name just rattle a bag of chips