A bunch of bras is called a support group.
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You’re the Thelma to my Louise. The Ben to my Jerry. The Kanye to my Kanye.
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Money doesn’t grow on trees. Your move, multinational agricultural biotechnology corporations.
And The Bro saith unto them,
Follow me to the club,
and I will make you fishers of women.
Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood
Couples costume idea: both people dress up as Robin then spend the whole night arguing over who was supposed to be Batman
The first rule of fight club is don’t hit hard I’m very sensitive
Cops said my blood alcohol level was above the legal limit which is crazy because I don’t even drink blood alcohol.
Garbage disposals are great for redesigning silverware.
When I was having an affair with twins, people used to ask how I told them apart. Well, Sue had brown eyes and Steve had a moustache.
Next time a dude says “Pictures or it didn’t happen”, punch them in the throat, take a pic, and tell a story about a guy you throat punched.