@RocketRankoon

You’ve won this round supervisor, but accidentally leave your Ok Cupid profile open one more time and you’ll be a transgender time traveler.

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@therealeatwood

All I wanna do is

*bang*
*bang*
*bang*
*bang*
*gun cocks*
*cash register*

Get this reference

@iamspacegirl

*winning a goldfish at a carnival*
I shall take my small prisoner and be on my way.

@DevilryFun

While I might feel unsure how to react, my middle finger is well versed in handling stupid people.

@CrockettForReal

[first day in Hell]

Me: I can’t wait to bust out of here

Devil: there is no escape

Me: no? [shakes kool-aid packet]

@sweetg35

I’m always caught between a rock and someone I want to throw it at.

@bridger_w

If I had a dog I’d say “I have a bone to pick with you!” and then we’d go to PetSmart to pick a bone and we’d laugh & laugh & can dogs laugh

@iwearaonesie

me [after tossing your baby a piece of cheese] A dog would have caught it