You are what you eat.
*eats Ryan Gosling*
You’ve won this round supervisor, but accidentally leave your Ok Cupid profile open one more time and you’ll be a transgender time traveler.
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All I wanna do is
Get this reference
Senator Clinton, what will you do now?
Hillary: Divorce Bill.
*winning a goldfish at a carnival*
I shall take my small prisoner and be on my way.
Are Smurfs just a bunch of midget Avatars? #yeahimhigh
While I might feel unsure how to react, my middle finger is well versed in handling stupid people.
[first day in Hell]
Me: I can’t wait to bust out of here
Devil: there is no escape
Me: no? [shakes kool-aid packet]
I’m always caught between a rock and someone I want to throw it at.
If I had a dog I’d say “I have a bone to pick with you!” and then we’d go to PetSmart to pick a bone and we’d laugh & laugh & can dogs laugh
me [after tossing your baby a piece of cheese] A dog would have caught it