barista: name for the latte?
me: it’s Zach with an “h”
*two minutes later*
barista: i’ve got a latte for Hach
[Zoo, bird show]
“Millions of years of evolution have made these ancient raptors into graceful sky gods.”
*bird headbutts window 50 times*
You Might Also Like
me: i’m late
me: it’s yours
If you want world peace, your army should be made up of massage therapists. I mean, who could fight while getting a relaxing massage?
Act now and we will double your order of crap!
Shut up laundry.Nobody wants to do you.
“You are terrible at metaphors.”
“Wow. Jealousy is a bad moustache on you.”
Every so often I Google my name hoping someone stole my identity and made a better something out of myself.
T-Rex teen: Omg, that meteor is so bright, I’m literally dying!
T-Rex mom: don’t be so dramatic…
My Rice Krispies were speaking in tongues this morning, so I’m pretty sure the end days are near.
Legend of Tarzan 2:
Tarzan meets other primates.
He befriends them all.
He teaches them to fight.
It’s a prequel to Planet of the Apes.