A confusing chart has led me to believe we are spending exorbitant amounts of money surgically transforming people into fighter jets
Zoom / MS Teams calls are the best places to see miracles happening.
Someone gets disconnected and everyone pronounces, ‘I think we lost her.’
Then they rejoin and say, ‘Hey, I’m back.’
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Squirrels don’t hibernate in the winter they just get angry.
“Tell me about your kids.”
“I still think this is a conflict of interest, Dad.”
What’s it called when no one can dance but everyone dances?
A good wedding reception
If countries don’t want revolutions, they should stop putting large public squares in the middle of their cities. So stupid!
Eating clocks is probably the most time consuming thing you could ever do.
Her: Well, I know I told you that.
Me: *closes eyes*
Her: What are you doing?
Me: Checking for it in my spam folder.
Lunchables™? huge waste of money! I have my kids mill their own wheat then hunt, kill & field strip a wild bologna
I do it doggy style… as in I spin around three times before I sit on the toilet.