Zoom / MS Teams calls are the best places to see miracles happening.
Someone gets disconnected and everyone pronounces, ‘I think we lost her.’
Then they rejoin and say, ‘Hey, I’m back.’
You Might Also Like
I WILL NOT click on your tinyurl link, no matter what people are saying about me.
The prince in Cinderella wasted 0 time suggesting he inspect the feet of every woman in his kingdom
how…. how do u get sold out… of having no mayo????
I’m not superstitious, I’m just kindastitious!!!
I don’t think putting that ouija board on a grave will help you catch a better signal
Guys with balls hangin from ur truck. that would mean ur truck is a man,yes? Which means you like to be inside a dude all day. Lol homo. : p
Me: You Miss 100% Of The Shots You Don’t Take
Vaccination clinic nurse: You are already boosted. Please Leave
Last semester a student asked me why I hadn’t graded their paper.
I said the paper was flagged as having ChatGPT generated content & wasn’t sure how to proceed.
Student said they didn’t use ChatGPT; it must have been their friend who wrote the paper for them.
🫠
My proper Mom said to get fully dressed for a party and then remove one item.
But people always give me odd looks when I don’t wear pants.
We just joined a gym and they asked me to pick a 4 digit member number and I opened my mouth and my husband said, “I stg if you use your bank pin.”
I was, in fact, going to use my bank pin💀
If I was a rapping novelist, my stage name would be Warren Piece.
I pack extra bags when I travel so I have room to bring back souvenirs, candies, hotel towels, the extra toilet paper, stuff like that.
me: what do we say if a stranger tries to give us candy?
5:
me:
5: we say thank you
house sitting!
nothing kills high school nostalgia faster than a scroll down your facebook feed
Sometimes I have a life and other times I surf YouTube videos looking for a good fight in the comments section.
My wife and I trade off on bathroom cleaning. She avoids it one weekend, I avoid it the next.
[GOP Debate]
MODERATOR: this question is for Senator Cruz. How will you handle zodiackillersayswhat?
CRUZ: what?
MODERATOR: I knew it!
Me: *standing on the subway platform*
Subway employee: “Sir, your feet are in the salami.”
Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job
you (uncultured): Ok.
me (cultured): Othousand.
ME: [blowing on ouchie] That’s better
SURGEON: How did you get in here
I find it odd that when someone dies we refer to them as late, my late Aunt Polly. Aunt Polly isn’t late, she’s not coming.
I don’t actually need a house cleaner, I just need the threat of a house cleaner coming over as motivation
principal: your resume says you only teach subtraction?
me: I just want to make a difference
ME: i’m having a lovely time tonight
my date: why do u keep yelling “ME” before every sentence
For those without heat in Texas, there are warming shelters throughout the state. See map at link below or call 211 for assistance. If you have a medical device that requires power, call 911. Texas twitter, please add additional resources to this thread.
*on the phone with my wife*
yes, i have the car, we’re driving around right now. who’s with me? well, a bunch of raccoons. yes, the same ones that got me kicked out of burger king
9yr old poured milk on the cat. When I asked why he said “He’s thirsty and likes to lick himself.” I couldn’t argue with that.