I don’t even care if it’s a scam. Just the thought that a Nigerian prince took the time to write me a personal note has really made my day.
wanna see the reptiles?
GUY NOT READY TO ADMIT HE LOVES SNAKES: i mean sure if u wanna stare at things that are like one long muscle
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If you’re the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room.
Ghostbusters is my favorite movie where Bill Murray yells at a giant marshmallow man for stepping on a church.
You can buy wedding cake even if there’s no wedding, those suckers don’t even check
My husband says I’m addicted to spending money on pointless things. So I bought him a Llama to cheer him up.
C’mon, I can’t be the only one that does kegels to pass the time in meetings
I’m sorry Ms. Jackson (Oooooo)/ I am four eels/ Never meant to make your daughter cry/ I am several fish and not a guy
Given my love of animals and hatred of housework, I predict my cause of death will be choking on a fur ball.
son: what happened dad
me: bar fight
son: over what?
me: he said… *clenches fists* he said Zelda is a boy
When someone asks how I feel, I always answer “Squishy and like I’ve done something wrong”